Everything is NOT About Me!
“Don’t take anything personally.” Easier said than done, right? It’s natural to get offended. It’s the human condition to complain, explain and defend.
After all, we have an ego that wants to defends our “truths.” Truths that are but lies we’ve been conditioned to believe are true. Your ego believes the lies people say about you.
Lies distort your reality; your sense of self and that of the world. They distort a beautiful world that can be yours if you did not believe the lies of others and did not take them personally.
Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book, “The Four Agreements,” says that when we take things personally, it is the ultimate selfish act of the ego. Like a child, the world revolves around ME.
Once you realize that what others say about you is not about You, it’s about the one who spreads the lies, you are free. Free to make your own agreements that serve you and others in affirmative ways.
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
When you are emotionally aware (intelligent) you hear others’ words without anger, without judgment. There is no road rage, no endless gossip and certainly no self-recrimination.
You can only be hurt and poisoned by the lies of others when you believe the lie that is being told and take it “personally.” The ego expresses these lies because of the emotional pain we carry. Painful emotional wounds scar our beautiful souls; distorting our sense of self, scarcely revealing a trace of who we really are.
Our agreements with others begin when we are very young. Adults are often unaware of the poison they are spreading and the damage they are doing to the young people in their lives.
As a child I grew up in an emotional storm of chaos and unpredictability. I believed the lies the adults in my world were telling me. The poison of their words created these beliefs within me:
I am stupid
I am unlovable
I am not worthy
I am not safe
I have no control over my life
It took me decades of study and therapy to realize the lies of others' were not mine.
I learned to observe others’ actions. The adage, “Do as I say, not as I do,” was confusing to my child mind. I began to distrust and disrespect the very people I wanted and needed to love.
Is suffering one of your agreements? As adults we attract others that will justify our need to suffer. Unconsciously, many of us create conditions that make us suffer. We attract negative people. People who will reinforce the ego’s lie that we are not worthy.
How you treat yourself reflects how you feel about yourself and what you think you deserve. And how you treat others reflects how you feel about yourself.
“Our relationships with others and everything we see, is a reflection of our relationship with ourselves.”
Emotional awareness is your first step toward emotional freedom.
Be responsible only for yourself; your words and your actions. Trust yourself.
The Four Agreements Don Miguel Ruiz