Don’t Make Assumptions
How We View The World
How many times have we assumed something about a person only to discover what we believed was far from the truth? We make assumptions because we actually believe the thought we are thinking is true.
Every thought we have about another person is an assumption. In fact, we make assumptions virtually every waking moment of our lives. When we make assumptions it is because we are taking things personally. We view the world, and the reality we have created, through our perception of ourselves.
In the morning we may see gray skies and think, “Oh no, it’s going to rain,” or
“That person must not like me, they’re scowling.”
Even the sound of voices affects our judgments and assumptions.
We were taught (learned behavior) to look at others and circumstances from our own experiences and thus, take things personally. Gossiping, blaming and judging others is emotional poison that comes from
assuming we know what is inside someone’s head.
Or we think their attire, personal body decorations, etc., reflect the kind of person we believe them to be.
Believing our assumptions are real often creates drama, turmoil, and more confusion around the event or situation. Making assumptions about a person, country, or even a spiritual belief, causes disagreements which often lead to conflicts and war. War ensues when we seek to have control over others whom we assume to be wrong or unjust. Every time we judge, blame, or assume we know what another is thinking, we are living a lie, and creating hell on earth.
The Four Agreements
Don Miguel Ruiz in his book “The Four Agreements,” says, “We create a lot of emotional poison just by making assumptions and taking it personally, because we usually start gossiping about our assumptions.”
Assumptions and misunderstandings often arise from beliefs we were taught as children. Parents unknowingly teach their children what they have learned from their own upbringing; a society that spreads fear and the belief that some people are better than others because of their religion, ethnic origin, etc. As the child grows she is programmed to believe lies that reinforce the poison that spreads like disease among humanity. We do not realize we are poisoning ourselves with our assumptions. Fearful emotions such as jealousy, envy, greed, mistrust, all arise from the lies we have been taught to believe as children.
In The Four Agreements, don Miguel Ruiz reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, The Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love.
“The root of all conflict with others lies in one’s sense of value in themselves.” -Reni
Partners in relationships may not communicate effectively. When disagreements result, each partner often believes they know what the other is thinking and why they are behaving in certain ways. This belief or assumption creates drama, conflict and turmoil within the union. We cannot read another’s mind, yet our assumptions tell us we know what they are thinking. These assumptions make matters even worse when we attempt to prove the other wrong.
We’ll often avoid communicating because we are afraid of confrontation. We are afraid of being hurt, and destroy friendships when we stubbornly hold onto the deep seated belief/illusion that we are right.
“Holding on to anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” -Buddha
The conflicted human mind works nonstop to try and understand, to comprehend and assess what is going on in the world. Because we don’t understand it we feel we must justify it with our assumptions, regardless of knowing all the facts.
No one can know what we think, feel and believe. Some may know us by our actions and their experience with us, but no one can truly know us but ourselves. It is ourselves then, who must do the work to live as authentic, self-loving people.
You will find that peaceful, compassionate people do not judge nor blame others. Because they love themselves they are able to see the love and good in everyone despite outward appearances. Their internal environment creates an atmosphere of security, self-love, and compassion.
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There is no need to look at others as the “enemy,” for the person who loves themselves has no need to create drama or conflict, however, we do not have to condone or advocate violence, war or other negative behaviors. Everyone has the same positive qualities that can be recognized and admired, when we are capable of seeing them in ourselves.
Human Dignity + Compassion = PEACE
- “That’s What I Am,” Mr. Simon
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